The days are shorter, the daylight almost nonexistent. Your energy level is low at best. You no longer concentrate well. You long for a sunny day. You are irritable, and no longer interested in anything you like to do. You long for any kind of motivation to help you get through the day. You weren't like this just a few short months ago. What is wrong?
For those of you who feel extra sluggish in the winter, and lose motivation and energy, you could be struggling with Seasonal Affective Disorder. This is a disorder that looks a lot like depression, but it only happens in the winter or early spring months. As we have less and less sunlight, especially after daylight savings time ends, many people find themselves to be irritable, tired and unmotivated. It does not help that with the holidays, there are many more things to do and expectations to live up to. Sometimes being in close contact with difficult family members exacerbates our experience of irritability and sadness. The holidays end, and we are left with sluggish feelings that are more than just the Christmas blues.
The symptoms are very similar to depression, though Seasonal Affective Disorder seems to slowly go away by late spring, obviously the same time that we have much more daylight. It can be confusing to determine if what you are experiencing is Seasonal Affective Disorder or if you have simply become depressed. Below are listed several things to try if you are feeling that you are struggling with any kind of depression.
The important thing to know is that there are things that you can do to lessen the impact of Seasonal Affective Disorder. First, knowing what it is and how it affects you can help you understand your behavior. Sometimes just having a name for the thing we are experiencing can help us feel better about what is going on, and feel less 'crazy.'
Secondly, getting a medical check up and finding out if there are biological things that are driving your experience or adding to it can be helpful to understand your behavior.
Third, adding exercise to your schedule can help with interrupted sleep; general body function and mood can impact your experience significantly. I, myself, would rather spend time another way, but it�s when I have added physical exercise to my schedule that I have felt the best, not only about myself, but also about the world around me. Start moving! It's best if that exercise is at least 30 minutes three times a week, but anything is better than nothing. Fourth, try a full spectrum light in your house or place of employment. The price of these items has come down drastically over the last few years, and I have seen them for sale this year for as low as $20. Adding full spectrum light, which replicates the light of the sun, can give you some of the refreshment that a sunny day does. This can be an inexpensive way to combat all sorts of symptoms related to depression. I know several people who use a full spectrum light at their place of employment and have found it an effective treatment for the dreary winter and it improves their mood.
Fifth, find someone to talk to. Talk to a trusted friend, relative, pastor or counselor who will give you time to talk about the things that are most difficult. Sometimes family issues impact your mood and getting to talk those things through with someone who has experience in those topics can help life all year long. Tackling difficult subjects can help your experience. If you find that a friend or relative is not the best person to talk to, it can be a good idea to make an appointment with a counselor. Sixth, reduce or eliminate alcohol consumption. Though alcohol initially provides a way of escape from feelings, the result over time is that alcohol is a depressant, and adding something of that nature to your experience will not be helpful.
Seventh, sometimes Seasonal Affective Disorder is serious enough that medication is required. This should be discussed with your primary care physician at your checkup, and can be considered if other treatments have not worked. Finally, celebrate small victories. Celebrate the fact that each day has a little more light. Celebrate the days it is sunny. Celebrate the weekend when it comes. Do some things to lighten your mood and count your blessings. Your perspective can be just as important in your defeat of Seasonal Affective Disorder as all of the things listed above. Be patient with yourself and count the days until spring. And be encouraged! Last year a law was passed to change daylight savings time in spring and moved it up into March�we should have much longer days by mid march, instead of mid April!
Keep in mind that more light alone will not help immediately. Sometimes people expect too much right away, and they find themselves more discouraged because they didn�t 'snap out of it' when the weather changed. Once again, be patient with yourself, and let yourself slowly come out of it. Patience can be the key to a better outlook. If you find that you are well into warmer weather without changes in your mood, it may be more than Seasonal Affective Disorder. It may be a good idea to make an appointment with a counselor.
Another good idea is to make notes and keep track of emotions and symptoms. It can be helpful from year to year to be reminded of the 'usual' way that Seasonal Affective Disorder has impacted you so you can judge from year to year how you and the treatments you have tried have helped. However, if you or someone you know is ever depressed to the point of feeling suicidal, please take yourself or your loved one to the hospital or call 911. It is much more important to be alive than not want to impose. Do not be afraid to ask someone if they are suicidal. We are not able to talk people into being suicidal just by mentioning it. Encourage them to be honest, and do what is best for them.
Seasonal Affective Disorder can change your plans for you this winter, but it can be treated with some small changes in lifestyle. Know that you are not alone, and you can be helped!
Wednesday, April 11, 2007
Accountability is the Best Way to Overcome Pornography
In my work as a Licensed Professional Counselor, I help people struggling with all sorts of issues. Although I primarily see Christians in my office, I have been heartbroken to find a growing lack of sexual purity in the church. Of course one of the main things we focus on is to pray and meditate on Scripture. However, I have found that significant, maintainable changes cannot occur without an accountability partner who is aware of the full extent of the problem.
Many friends, family members, and fellow church attendees would be shocked, alarmed, and judgmental if someone they knew came to them and confessed a problem with pornography. This lack of appropriate response makes getting help too difficult for the many people who have this addiction. Current research shows that at least 20% of men in the church struggle with porn and that 40% of pastors even have a problem too. The fact of the matter is that if this issue is affecting the men and leaders of the church it is a significant threat to church health. Pornography has become one of the most effective tools of the enemy to weaken individuals, families, and ultimately the church. It affects the spiritual conditions and intimacy levels of Christians, therefore producing ineffective ministry.
It is impossible to speak of pornography and not be alarmed at how prevalent and easy to access it has become. The Internet, telephone, cable, and movies are old news; the new formats are downloadable movies to IPods, adult images downloaded to cell phones, and even hidden pornographic material in some video games. The push behind all the various ways to provide pornography is money. The adult industry wants to make as much of it as possible. The $10-$14 billion revenue made each year is greater than the combined incomes of the NFL, the NBA, and MLB combined. Pornographers make access quick, easy, 'confidential,' and unlimited. Some people can lose thousands of dollars a month or more as the addiction grows.
Of course, not all struggles with lust and temptation equate to an addiction, but when someone begins regularly to use more porn, take greater risks, and experience significant consequences, an addiction is present. The ever-constant burden of shame and guilt also entrap the person into believing that the cycle cannot be broken; it can feel hopeless. The person is now 'stuck' because of being afraid to ask for help and not knowing what else to do on his or her own to stop. Thus, the use of increasingly graphic pornography, excessive fantasy, and frequent masturbation will continue.
The myths that are important to shatter are that pornography does not just affect men or that it is only a phase for teenage boys. Statistics show that initial pornography exposure occurs as young as five. Furthermore, most pornographers' target group for getting 'new customers' is between eight and ten years old. Men, women, boys, and girls can all be tempted by the pull of pornography. Men can be drawn to the air brushed women because they fear rejection by women in the real world. Women can be attracted to the fantasies of better men than their own husbands, who never seem to meet all their needs. Young boys can stumble across their father's computer file with all the saved images. Finally, young girls can believe that to be a real woman, they need to equate sex on demand as a sign of love. Whatever the false belief is, pornography can feed into it and give it strength. Chances are that if one person in a family is struggling with this issue, particularly a parent, other family members will eventually be affected too.
Please do not despair at the overall summary of this problem. The first part to stopping this infection in the church is to create awareness about it. Reading this article helps inform people about the basics of this sexual addiction. Unfortunately, if you are reading this and pornography has affected your life, you already know the ill effects of this sin. Take hope, however, because practical changes followed by a renewed spiritual focus will help you to overcome this problem. My initial recommendation is to prevent pornography from getting into your home. Email filters, Internet accountability software, dropping satellite subscriptions, choosing basic cable over the deluxe package, etc. are all ways to make your home safe. Secondly, changing a routine helps to avoid temptation as well. Avoiding old habits, destinations, and people can help renew the mind and start fresh. Next, evaluate your relationship patterns in life. How intimate are they? Is communication clear, direct, and honest? Are there assumptions or expectations that are inappropriate? Many times answering these questions helps eliminate the problems that encouraged the desire for using pornography in the first place.
Many times the best way to answer these questions is with the help of a professional counselor who is aware of the various challenges that lay ahead. Overcoming the consequences of this sexual addiction takes a lot of time, effort, and grace. Relapse will happen, relationships will be changed, and faith will be tested. Professional help provides the safe and consistent help that Christians need, especially when others fail to understand problems adequately. Pornography tends to be a problem that is underestimated and too quickly dismissed with a 'just stop doing it'. Ultimately, long term accountability is the best way to maintain vigilance over temptation. When a trusted friend, pastor, lay leader, or spouse knows the truth, and how to help, the problem can begin to be overcome. Foundational ideas such as regular meetings, direct conversations, Internet tracking software, and a consistent dedication to the spiritual disciplines can help the partnership to be effective. This battle against pornography is ultimately a battle against our own flesh. Scripture has never wavered on this struggle and speaks to our own weaknesses over and over again. The good news is that being held accountable to make critical changes can remove an evil from within the church one life at a time.
For more information, please read the following books to learn what other professionals have to say about this topic: Think Before You Look, by Daniel Henderson; Every Man's Battle, by Stephen Arterburn & Fred Stoeker; False Intimacy, by Harry Schaumburg; and finally, Healing the Wounds of Sexual Addiction, by Mark Laasar.
Steve Johnson is a Licensed Professional Counselor with the Center for Human Development. He works in the Center's branch offices in Stevens Point and Marshfield.
To contact him call, 1-800-236-3792.
Many friends, family members, and fellow church attendees would be shocked, alarmed, and judgmental if someone they knew came to them and confessed a problem with pornography. This lack of appropriate response makes getting help too difficult for the many people who have this addiction. Current research shows that at least 20% of men in the church struggle with porn and that 40% of pastors even have a problem too. The fact of the matter is that if this issue is affecting the men and leaders of the church it is a significant threat to church health. Pornography has become one of the most effective tools of the enemy to weaken individuals, families, and ultimately the church. It affects the spiritual conditions and intimacy levels of Christians, therefore producing ineffective ministry.
It is impossible to speak of pornography and not be alarmed at how prevalent and easy to access it has become. The Internet, telephone, cable, and movies are old news; the new formats are downloadable movies to IPods, adult images downloaded to cell phones, and even hidden pornographic material in some video games. The push behind all the various ways to provide pornography is money. The adult industry wants to make as much of it as possible. The $10-$14 billion revenue made each year is greater than the combined incomes of the NFL, the NBA, and MLB combined. Pornographers make access quick, easy, 'confidential,' and unlimited. Some people can lose thousands of dollars a month or more as the addiction grows.
Of course, not all struggles with lust and temptation equate to an addiction, but when someone begins regularly to use more porn, take greater risks, and experience significant consequences, an addiction is present. The ever-constant burden of shame and guilt also entrap the person into believing that the cycle cannot be broken; it can feel hopeless. The person is now 'stuck' because of being afraid to ask for help and not knowing what else to do on his or her own to stop. Thus, the use of increasingly graphic pornography, excessive fantasy, and frequent masturbation will continue.
The myths that are important to shatter are that pornography does not just affect men or that it is only a phase for teenage boys. Statistics show that initial pornography exposure occurs as young as five. Furthermore, most pornographers' target group for getting 'new customers' is between eight and ten years old. Men, women, boys, and girls can all be tempted by the pull of pornography. Men can be drawn to the air brushed women because they fear rejection by women in the real world. Women can be attracted to the fantasies of better men than their own husbands, who never seem to meet all their needs. Young boys can stumble across their father's computer file with all the saved images. Finally, young girls can believe that to be a real woman, they need to equate sex on demand as a sign of love. Whatever the false belief is, pornography can feed into it and give it strength. Chances are that if one person in a family is struggling with this issue, particularly a parent, other family members will eventually be affected too.
Please do not despair at the overall summary of this problem. The first part to stopping this infection in the church is to create awareness about it. Reading this article helps inform people about the basics of this sexual addiction. Unfortunately, if you are reading this and pornography has affected your life, you already know the ill effects of this sin. Take hope, however, because practical changes followed by a renewed spiritual focus will help you to overcome this problem. My initial recommendation is to prevent pornography from getting into your home. Email filters, Internet accountability software, dropping satellite subscriptions, choosing basic cable over the deluxe package, etc. are all ways to make your home safe. Secondly, changing a routine helps to avoid temptation as well. Avoiding old habits, destinations, and people can help renew the mind and start fresh. Next, evaluate your relationship patterns in life. How intimate are they? Is communication clear, direct, and honest? Are there assumptions or expectations that are inappropriate? Many times answering these questions helps eliminate the problems that encouraged the desire for using pornography in the first place.
Many times the best way to answer these questions is with the help of a professional counselor who is aware of the various challenges that lay ahead. Overcoming the consequences of this sexual addiction takes a lot of time, effort, and grace. Relapse will happen, relationships will be changed, and faith will be tested. Professional help provides the safe and consistent help that Christians need, especially when others fail to understand problems adequately. Pornography tends to be a problem that is underestimated and too quickly dismissed with a 'just stop doing it'. Ultimately, long term accountability is the best way to maintain vigilance over temptation. When a trusted friend, pastor, lay leader, or spouse knows the truth, and how to help, the problem can begin to be overcome. Foundational ideas such as regular meetings, direct conversations, Internet tracking software, and a consistent dedication to the spiritual disciplines can help the partnership to be effective. This battle against pornography is ultimately a battle against our own flesh. Scripture has never wavered on this struggle and speaks to our own weaknesses over and over again. The good news is that being held accountable to make critical changes can remove an evil from within the church one life at a time.
For more information, please read the following books to learn what other professionals have to say about this topic: Think Before You Look, by Daniel Henderson; Every Man's Battle, by Stephen Arterburn & Fred Stoeker; False Intimacy, by Harry Schaumburg; and finally, Healing the Wounds of Sexual Addiction, by Mark Laasar.
Steve Johnson is a Licensed Professional Counselor with the Center for Human Development. He works in the Center's branch offices in Stevens Point and Marshfield.
To contact him call, 1-800-236-3792.
Building Unbreakable Marriages
The minister was outraged, and he didn't care who knew it. The question he had for Dr. Laura Schlessinger was this: Was he out of bounds to sue a couple he had recently married--a couple who had promised never to divorce?
The minister's anger is a sign--and a good one, in my view--that the church recognizes it needs to be doing something about high divorce rates.
As this pastor explained to Dr. Laura, the divorcing couple had begged him to marry them; they promised they would never part. But part they did--just 18 months after the ceremony.
The minister asked: 'Do you think taking them to court for some token amount would be a good idea? After all, they made a promise to God, to me, and to the guests at their wedding that they would stay married until death.' And he added: 'I provided a service on the condition that they were marrying for life. They are breaking the contract, and I want compensation for wasting so many hours on that wedding.'
Well, the minister's comments struck a nerve. When Dr. Laura posed this question to her radio audience, the response was overwhelming. One woman said: 'I think [everyone] who attended should be able to sue for fraud.' She labeled the wedding 'a deceitful attempt to extract cash and gifts from unsuspecting friends and family.'
Another had an even better idea: When one marriage partner dumps the other, she said, the minister should invite all the wedding guests back and 'un-perform' the ceremony. The departing spouse would be forced to explain why he or she is leaving, buy presents for the guests, and pay all the expenses of the 'un-ceremony.'
Well, these ideas may sound humorous--in a vindictive sort of way--but they do raise a serious question. Why can't people keep their marriages together? My friend Mike McManus, who wrote a book called 'Marriage Savers,' suggests that divorce is partly the fault of the church. Many do a poor job of preparing couples for lasting marriages.
Mike maintains that if churches really wanted to keep marriages from unraveling, they would introduce the bride and groom to programs with a proven success record.
For example, for engaged couples, there's a program called PREPARE. The couple fills out a questionnaire, which provides an objective snapshot of the state of their relationship. Then, older married couples teach them concrete strategies for tackling weak areas. PREPARE's questionnaire can predict with 80 percent accuracy which marriages will end in divorce.
For struggling newlyweds, there's a program called ENRICH. In this one, newlyweds work with older couples who act as mentors. By candidly sharing their own problems and solutions, the mentors offer practical examples of how to save a marriage.
The church ought to be a force for preserving the institution God has ordained as the basis of the social order. Call us here at BreakPoint and we'll send you some timely information on these Marriage Saver programs.
America's divorce rate is a tragedy. But instead of getting angry and suing couples for breach of contract, we ought to do everything we can to help build unbreakable marriages.
From BreakPoint, April 12, 2000, copyright 2000, reprinted with permission of Prison Fellowship, P.O. Box 17500, Washington, DC, 20041-0500. For more information visit BreakPoint at www.breakpoint.org.
The minister's anger is a sign--and a good one, in my view--that the church recognizes it needs to be doing something about high divorce rates.
As this pastor explained to Dr. Laura, the divorcing couple had begged him to marry them; they promised they would never part. But part they did--just 18 months after the ceremony.
The minister asked: 'Do you think taking them to court for some token amount would be a good idea? After all, they made a promise to God, to me, and to the guests at their wedding that they would stay married until death.' And he added: 'I provided a service on the condition that they were marrying for life. They are breaking the contract, and I want compensation for wasting so many hours on that wedding.'
Well, the minister's comments struck a nerve. When Dr. Laura posed this question to her radio audience, the response was overwhelming. One woman said: 'I think [everyone] who attended should be able to sue for fraud.' She labeled the wedding 'a deceitful attempt to extract cash and gifts from unsuspecting friends and family.'
Another had an even better idea: When one marriage partner dumps the other, she said, the minister should invite all the wedding guests back and 'un-perform' the ceremony. The departing spouse would be forced to explain why he or she is leaving, buy presents for the guests, and pay all the expenses of the 'un-ceremony.'
Well, these ideas may sound humorous--in a vindictive sort of way--but they do raise a serious question. Why can't people keep their marriages together? My friend Mike McManus, who wrote a book called 'Marriage Savers,' suggests that divorce is partly the fault of the church. Many do a poor job of preparing couples for lasting marriages.
Mike maintains that if churches really wanted to keep marriages from unraveling, they would introduce the bride and groom to programs with a proven success record.
For example, for engaged couples, there's a program called PREPARE. The couple fills out a questionnaire, which provides an objective snapshot of the state of their relationship. Then, older married couples teach them concrete strategies for tackling weak areas. PREPARE's questionnaire can predict with 80 percent accuracy which marriages will end in divorce.
For struggling newlyweds, there's a program called ENRICH. In this one, newlyweds work with older couples who act as mentors. By candidly sharing their own problems and solutions, the mentors offer practical examples of how to save a marriage.
The church ought to be a force for preserving the institution God has ordained as the basis of the social order. Call us here at BreakPoint and we'll send you some timely information on these Marriage Saver programs.
America's divorce rate is a tragedy. But instead of getting angry and suing couples for breach of contract, we ought to do everything we can to help build unbreakable marriages.
From BreakPoint, April 12, 2000, copyright 2000, reprinted with permission of Prison Fellowship, P.O. Box 17500, Washington, DC, 20041-0500. For more information visit BreakPoint at www.breakpoint.org.
Why Pre-Marital Counseling?
With the coming of summer and early fall, wedding bells will be chiming many times every weekend, local merchants are being inundated with requests for tuxedos and bridesmaids dresses, florists taking orders for boutonnieres and bouquets, banquet halls were booked months ago to cater meals for hundreds. What a financial boost all of this will be for the local economy! But what about the bride and groom? Will they lose focus on the most important aspect of the day, the entering into a lifelong covenant 'to have and to hold until death do us part.'
I have been a counselor for 35 years and in that time have counseled with hundred's of couples. Most had entered into marriage with stars in their eyes anticipating a beautiful wedding day followed by a honeymoon and a life of marital bliss. A trip to the counselor's office or an attorney was the farthest thing from their minds. Yet, here they are, usually after waiting much too long to call for help. Often one or both are saying, 'I just don't love my partner any more' or, 'I don't know if I ever loved him (or her). Frequently they have the 'if only's.' 'If only I'd known! 'If only we'd talked about this.'If only we'd waited!' Where did all of the dreams go? Were they rooted in reality?
What could have been done to prevent the potential problems that brought the couple to the counselor's office, often considering divorce?
Although there are many factors that contribute to marital breakup, there are some things that can be done to decrease or reduce potential problems in a marriage. One of these is planning, not just for the wedding, but also for the marriage. Good premarital preparation that emphasizes lifelong commitment rather than wedding day planning will help provide a foundation for healthy families and vital communities.
Most importantly, encourage couples who plan to tie the knot this summer to participate in quality premarital counseling. By doing so you will give them the best wedding gift ever: A positive start to a long-term committed relationship! It's the best thing for all of us and it help to guarantee that Wausau and the surrounding area will continue to be a 'Great Place to Live and Raise a Family!'
I have been a counselor for 35 years and in that time have counseled with hundred's of couples. Most had entered into marriage with stars in their eyes anticipating a beautiful wedding day followed by a honeymoon and a life of marital bliss. A trip to the counselor's office or an attorney was the farthest thing from their minds. Yet, here they are, usually after waiting much too long to call for help. Often one or both are saying, 'I just don't love my partner any more' or, 'I don't know if I ever loved him (or her). Frequently they have the 'if only's.' 'If only I'd known! 'If only we'd talked about this.'If only we'd waited!' Where did all of the dreams go? Were they rooted in reality?
What could have been done to prevent the potential problems that brought the couple to the counselor's office, often considering divorce?
Although there are many factors that contribute to marital breakup, there are some things that can be done to decrease or reduce potential problems in a marriage. One of these is planning, not just for the wedding, but also for the marriage. Good premarital preparation that emphasizes lifelong commitment rather than wedding day planning will help provide a foundation for healthy families and vital communities.
Most importantly, encourage couples who plan to tie the knot this summer to participate in quality premarital counseling. By doing so you will give them the best wedding gift ever: A positive start to a long-term committed relationship! It's the best thing for all of us and it help to guarantee that Wausau and the surrounding area will continue to be a 'Great Place to Live and Raise a Family!'
Christmased
Re: Christmas Season, Guest Editorial submitted 12/19/00
Christmas 2000 is here and people everywhere are preparing to celebrate this special holiday. For some it means only a few extra days off work; for others a time when families can get together to celebrate, for others it is a time of gift giving and Santa Claus and for still others it is a religious holiday commemorating the birth of the Christ Child born in poverty two centuries ago. This Christmas the spiritual aspect of the season has much more meaning than ever before because of the events that took place during the past year.Six short months ago emblazoned on the front page of the Wausau Daily Herald were pictures of our home of 32 years engulfed in flames. The place we raised our children, all or our belongings including heirloom antiques, scrapbooks of memories, clothing...almost everything was gone. Standing, helpless, while watching it burn, my wife remembered that we were to pick up her mother to take her to have her hearing tested and placed a cell phone call to her sister to do the task. Her sister upon hearing the news, amidst tears looked at the coffee mug she was holding, gasped, and read to my wife the words printed on the cup 'Take Courage, I have everything under control...Jesus'.�A coincidence, perhaps, but then how does one explain the print of the 'Serenity Prayer' and a copy of Tim Hansel's uplifting Christian book, You Gotta Keep Dancin', removed from the fire moments later. Then, if that wasn't enough, at 4:30 the next morning I found a copy of an open Bible only slightly charred resting on a pile of embers in the foundation.
But what does having everything under control mean? It could have been the fact that we had reviewed our insurance coverage earlier in the year, or the help of the Town of Texas firefighters, Red Cross and Salvation Army at the time of the fire. Perhaps it was in the community that stepped forward to help and encourage us--friends, family, neighbors, our employees, people from various churches in the community, merchants, building contractors and suppliers.�Support and encouragement came from everywhere and we are filled with gratitude to so many.
Perhaps His hand was in the lessons that we have learned and can pass on to others. Lessons like: unplug the toaster or coffee pot when leaving your home, review your insurance coverage (including personal property) on a annual basis, keep an inventory of household belongings, have a fireproof safe for important papers, keep your computer backups in a separate location. Other lessons we learned, or were reminded of included: people and relationships are much more important than stuff that we accumulate, when you are helpless it is time to reach out to others, little notes and calls saying 'I'm thinking of you' or 'you're in our prayers' provide tremendous support, allow others to help when they offer, and sometimes all you can say is thank you...and that's enough.
Today we are in our new home, unfinished but constructed in less than 6 months. Our God has revealed Himself to us in so many ways this year and that makes this Christmas especially significant. More than just a babe in a manger He shows Himself in events, through people, and in a special ongoing relationship. Take time this Christmas to attend Church and look for His hand in the events and people you meet throughout the coming year.
The Webster's home burned to the ground on June 16 and the story reported in the Wausau Daily Herald on Saturday June 17. Lee is the founder and director of the Center for Human Development a counseling center providing services to the community for over 25 years.
Christmas 2000 is here and people everywhere are preparing to celebrate this special holiday. For some it means only a few extra days off work; for others a time when families can get together to celebrate, for others it is a time of gift giving and Santa Claus and for still others it is a religious holiday commemorating the birth of the Christ Child born in poverty two centuries ago. This Christmas the spiritual aspect of the season has much more meaning than ever before because of the events that took place during the past year.Six short months ago emblazoned on the front page of the Wausau Daily Herald were pictures of our home of 32 years engulfed in flames. The place we raised our children, all or our belongings including heirloom antiques, scrapbooks of memories, clothing...almost everything was gone. Standing, helpless, while watching it burn, my wife remembered that we were to pick up her mother to take her to have her hearing tested and placed a cell phone call to her sister to do the task. Her sister upon hearing the news, amidst tears looked at the coffee mug she was holding, gasped, and read to my wife the words printed on the cup 'Take Courage, I have everything under control...Jesus'.�A coincidence, perhaps, but then how does one explain the print of the 'Serenity Prayer' and a copy of Tim Hansel's uplifting Christian book, You Gotta Keep Dancin', removed from the fire moments later. Then, if that wasn't enough, at 4:30 the next morning I found a copy of an open Bible only slightly charred resting on a pile of embers in the foundation.
But what does having everything under control mean? It could have been the fact that we had reviewed our insurance coverage earlier in the year, or the help of the Town of Texas firefighters, Red Cross and Salvation Army at the time of the fire. Perhaps it was in the community that stepped forward to help and encourage us--friends, family, neighbors, our employees, people from various churches in the community, merchants, building contractors and suppliers.�Support and encouragement came from everywhere and we are filled with gratitude to so many.
Perhaps His hand was in the lessons that we have learned and can pass on to others. Lessons like: unplug the toaster or coffee pot when leaving your home, review your insurance coverage (including personal property) on a annual basis, keep an inventory of household belongings, have a fireproof safe for important papers, keep your computer backups in a separate location. Other lessons we learned, or were reminded of included: people and relationships are much more important than stuff that we accumulate, when you are helpless it is time to reach out to others, little notes and calls saying 'I'm thinking of you' or 'you're in our prayers' provide tremendous support, allow others to help when they offer, and sometimes all you can say is thank you...and that's enough.
Today we are in our new home, unfinished but constructed in less than 6 months. Our God has revealed Himself to us in so many ways this year and that makes this Christmas especially significant. More than just a babe in a manger He shows Himself in events, through people, and in a special ongoing relationship. Take time this Christmas to attend Church and look for His hand in the events and people you meet throughout the coming year.
The Webster's home burned to the ground on June 16 and the story reported in the Wausau Daily Herald on Saturday June 17. Lee is the founder and director of the Center for Human Development a counseling center providing services to the community for over 25 years.
The Real Answer to New Year's Resolutions
Every year on New Year's Day there is a push to make New Year's Resolutions. As important as these decisions are in our personal lives, they are often made and within a week chalked up on the list of personal failures to plague us throughout the new year. If your 'New Millennium decisions' have already gone by the wayside, all is not lost. There are some lessons that can be learned from Alcoholics Anonymous that can help change failure to success!
Spell out your goals clearly. It often helps to write down your goals in specific terms with a specific time line. For example rather than 'exercise' write down 'week 1: walk for 30 minutes on Monday, Wednesday and Friday at 8AM'. You might consider putting additional behavioral goals or increments on a calendar and checking them off as you accomplish them. Give yourself a gold star for your accomplishments!
Have a support system. We all need encouragement and support from time to time. It is helpful to have one or two good friends who are truly supportive and not critical (your spouse may be one of these) that you can tell what you are doing and ask if you can contact them if you are tempted to break your resolution. When making this agreement be sure to tell them that their job isn't to keep tabs on you (you're responsible to do that for yourself) but to be there for you when you request help and to celebrate your successes with you. In some instances you may want to seek out a support group such as over-eaters anonymous or gamblers anonymous.
Keep a positive attitude, living one day at a time. It is important to know that lifestyle and habit change takes time and often practice. That is how we learn things, two steps forward, one step back, and start over again with perseverance. Studies have told us that it takes approximately 3 weeks of conscious effort to change a simple habit so any rewarding lifestyle change will benefit from conscious reminders, not from criticism (from either others or ourselves). Over the years I have worked with many people to quit smoking. Frequently a 2 pack-a-day smoker will return 3 days after their first session with me discouraged and feeling like a failure because they had given in to their habit and smoked two cigarettes the day before. Never mind the 118 they didn't smoke, they are upset with the two that they have! Guilt, in this instance, only increases the stress they feel and increases the likelihood of failure. Choose each moment of each day to maintain your focus on your goal.
Recognize that you don't have to go it alone. Perhaps the most powerful of all lessons of Alcoholics Anonymous are included in the '12 steps' and specifically in the first 3 steps. Thousands have changed one of the most debilitating habits by relying on God; admitting helplessness to change by themselves, recognizing that there is a 'power greater than ourselves that can restore us to sanity', and finally turning it over to Him. Good luck in meeting your goals this coming year!
Spell out your goals clearly. It often helps to write down your goals in specific terms with a specific time line. For example rather than 'exercise' write down 'week 1: walk for 30 minutes on Monday, Wednesday and Friday at 8AM'. You might consider putting additional behavioral goals or increments on a calendar and checking them off as you accomplish them. Give yourself a gold star for your accomplishments!
Have a support system. We all need encouragement and support from time to time. It is helpful to have one or two good friends who are truly supportive and not critical (your spouse may be one of these) that you can tell what you are doing and ask if you can contact them if you are tempted to break your resolution. When making this agreement be sure to tell them that their job isn't to keep tabs on you (you're responsible to do that for yourself) but to be there for you when you request help and to celebrate your successes with you. In some instances you may want to seek out a support group such as over-eaters anonymous or gamblers anonymous.
Keep a positive attitude, living one day at a time. It is important to know that lifestyle and habit change takes time and often practice. That is how we learn things, two steps forward, one step back, and start over again with perseverance. Studies have told us that it takes approximately 3 weeks of conscious effort to change a simple habit so any rewarding lifestyle change will benefit from conscious reminders, not from criticism (from either others or ourselves). Over the years I have worked with many people to quit smoking. Frequently a 2 pack-a-day smoker will return 3 days after their first session with me discouraged and feeling like a failure because they had given in to their habit and smoked two cigarettes the day before. Never mind the 118 they didn't smoke, they are upset with the two that they have! Guilt, in this instance, only increases the stress they feel and increases the likelihood of failure. Choose each moment of each day to maintain your focus on your goal.
Recognize that you don't have to go it alone. Perhaps the most powerful of all lessons of Alcoholics Anonymous are included in the '12 steps' and specifically in the first 3 steps. Thousands have changed one of the most debilitating habits by relying on God; admitting helplessness to change by themselves, recognizing that there is a 'power greater than ourselves that can restore us to sanity', and finally turning it over to Him. Good luck in meeting your goals this coming year!
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