In my work as a Licensed Professional Counselor, I help people struggling with all sorts of issues. Although I primarily see Christians in my office, I have been heartbroken to find a growing lack of sexual purity in the church. Of course one of the main things we focus on is to pray and meditate on Scripture. However, I have found that significant, maintainable changes cannot occur without an accountability partner who is aware of the full extent of the problem.
Many friends, family members, and fellow church attendees would be shocked, alarmed, and judgmental if someone they knew came to them and confessed a problem with pornography. This lack of appropriate response makes getting help too difficult for the many people who have this addiction. Current research shows that at least 20% of men in the church struggle with porn and that 40% of pastors even have a problem too. The fact of the matter is that if this issue is affecting the men and leaders of the church it is a significant threat to church health. Pornography has become one of the most effective tools of the enemy to weaken individuals, families, and ultimately the church. It affects the spiritual conditions and intimacy levels of Christians, therefore producing ineffective ministry.
It is impossible to speak of pornography and not be alarmed at how prevalent and easy to access it has become. The Internet, telephone, cable, and movies are old news; the new formats are downloadable movies to IPods, adult images downloaded to cell phones, and even hidden pornographic material in some video games. The push behind all the various ways to provide pornography is money. The adult industry wants to make as much of it as possible. The $10-$14 billion revenue made each year is greater than the combined incomes of the NFL, the NBA, and MLB combined. Pornographers make access quick, easy, 'confidential,' and unlimited. Some people can lose thousands of dollars a month or more as the addiction grows.
Of course, not all struggles with lust and temptation equate to an addiction, but when someone begins regularly to use more porn, take greater risks, and experience significant consequences, an addiction is present. The ever-constant burden of shame and guilt also entrap the person into believing that the cycle cannot be broken; it can feel hopeless. The person is now 'stuck' because of being afraid to ask for help and not knowing what else to do on his or her own to stop. Thus, the use of increasingly graphic pornography, excessive fantasy, and frequent masturbation will continue.
The myths that are important to shatter are that pornography does not just affect men or that it is only a phase for teenage boys. Statistics show that initial pornography exposure occurs as young as five. Furthermore, most pornographers' target group for getting 'new customers' is between eight and ten years old. Men, women, boys, and girls can all be tempted by the pull of pornography. Men can be drawn to the air brushed women because they fear rejection by women in the real world. Women can be attracted to the fantasies of better men than their own husbands, who never seem to meet all their needs. Young boys can stumble across their father's computer file with all the saved images. Finally, young girls can believe that to be a real woman, they need to equate sex on demand as a sign of love. Whatever the false belief is, pornography can feed into it and give it strength. Chances are that if one person in a family is struggling with this issue, particularly a parent, other family members will eventually be affected too.
Please do not despair at the overall summary of this problem. The first part to stopping this infection in the church is to create awareness about it. Reading this article helps inform people about the basics of this sexual addiction. Unfortunately, if you are reading this and pornography has affected your life, you already know the ill effects of this sin. Take hope, however, because practical changes followed by a renewed spiritual focus will help you to overcome this problem. My initial recommendation is to prevent pornography from getting into your home. Email filters, Internet accountability software, dropping satellite subscriptions, choosing basic cable over the deluxe package, etc. are all ways to make your home safe. Secondly, changing a routine helps to avoid temptation as well. Avoiding old habits, destinations, and people can help renew the mind and start fresh. Next, evaluate your relationship patterns in life. How intimate are they? Is communication clear, direct, and honest? Are there assumptions or expectations that are inappropriate? Many times answering these questions helps eliminate the problems that encouraged the desire for using pornography in the first place.
Many times the best way to answer these questions is with the help of a professional counselor who is aware of the various challenges that lay ahead. Overcoming the consequences of this sexual addiction takes a lot of time, effort, and grace. Relapse will happen, relationships will be changed, and faith will be tested. Professional help provides the safe and consistent help that Christians need, especially when others fail to understand problems adequately. Pornography tends to be a problem that is underestimated and too quickly dismissed with a 'just stop doing it'. Ultimately, long term accountability is the best way to maintain vigilance over temptation. When a trusted friend, pastor, lay leader, or spouse knows the truth, and how to help, the problem can begin to be overcome. Foundational ideas such as regular meetings, direct conversations, Internet tracking software, and a consistent dedication to the spiritual disciplines can help the partnership to be effective. This battle against pornography is ultimately a battle against our own flesh. Scripture has never wavered on this struggle and speaks to our own weaknesses over and over again. The good news is that being held accountable to make critical changes can remove an evil from within the church one life at a time.
For more information, please read the following books to learn what other professionals have to say about this topic: Think Before You Look, by Daniel Henderson; Every Man's Battle, by Stephen Arterburn & Fred Stoeker; False Intimacy, by Harry Schaumburg; and finally, Healing the Wounds of Sexual Addiction, by Mark Laasar.
Steve Johnson is a Licensed Professional Counselor with the Center for Human Development. He works in the Center's branch offices in Stevens Point and Marshfield.
To contact him call, 1-800-236-3792.
